The Blood Sugar Blues

It's no fun being diabetic.

I guess that should really go without saying. But aside from obvious health problems there are the mood swings. I know when my blood sugar level has dropped because I start to get paranoid. When I ask Keith out of the blue if he still loves me, his response is always 'when did you last eat?'

And I know I was a nightmare to live with before I was diagnosed with diabetes. One minute I would be my normal, cheerful self, the next I'd be tearing at my hair and beating my breats. The whole world was out to get me! The friends who stuck by me (you know who you are) deserve a medal for their patience. But those mood swings are a thing of the past thanks to my two new friends; metformin and glicazide.
Well, they were a thing of the past, until last weekend.

We were away for the weekend, spending some quality time with my dearest friends. I'd packed a few clothes, their Yuletide gifts... the only thing I had forgotten was my medication. But that wouldn't be a problem, right? It was just a couple of days. I'd watch what I ate, everything wuld be fine.
Riiiiight.

Things, as you might have guessed, did not go as planned. Sure, I was mindful of what I ate, but we were a little less careful about when. My blood sugar was on a rollercoaster and it took my brain along for the ride.

It is a terrible feeling, knowing that you can't trust your own mind. Dark thoughts ran around my head, irrational angers and almost crippling self doubt. Intellectually I knew the cause; a temporary chemical imbalance in the brain, all nice and scientific and logical. But logic doesn't play a part in these thoughts and emotions. The heart feels what the heart feels.

Four days later I was able to think clearly again. Almost clearly. Still the poisonous thoughts linger, fostering anger and distrust towards people who have done little or nothing to deserve it. Why is that? Were my feelings so real then that now they still have the taste of truth? Or is there a kernel of truth at the heart of them that keeps my doubts burning?

I'll be buggered if I know.